From Strongholds to Freedom: How God Helped Me Break Free From My Past and Step Into My True Identity

By Ben Hilger

When I look back at my childhood, there are a lot of memories that still bring emotions to the surface. However, since I became closer to God and the Transform Our World Hawaii community I have been able to change the memories to SERVE my future and not be held back in the past.

I grew up in a Military family with an alcoholic father. There were times when I didn't know what version of my father I was going to come home to. Alcohol brought a lot of stress, tension, and pain into our family. He was ashamed and withdrew from my brother and I and our Mother.

I also experienced verbal abuse. Some of the words that were spoken to me stayed with me long after they were said. I believe now that this past trauma was passed down generations of immigrants. As a child, I didn't always know how to process what I was feeling. I just knew that it hurt and I sought affection and acceptance from strangers or became the “Clown” so people laughed and to me that was acceptance.

I carried those experiences with me as I got older. It got worse when I served in the Army too.

There were times when I questioned myself. I struggled with stress, fear, anger, and feelings of not being good enough. I didn't realize how much of my past was still affecting me. I thought I had moved on, but deep down, there were still wounds that needed to be healed.

For years, I carried things that weren't mine to carry, causing emotional weight that never left no matter how much I drank or pleased others. It was tiring.

I carried the words.
I carried the pain.
I carried the anger.
I carried the fear.
And I carried the stress of trying to make sense of things that happened when I was younger.

But in the early 2000’s, I came to a place where I realized I couldn't continue allowing my past to control my present.

I had to make a choice–work on myself to see the world differently and to have people see me as God does: my “true self,” not the victim or protector.

I had to face the pain instead of running from it. I had to learn to forgive MYSELF—not because what happened was okay, and not because I was forgetting what happened, but because I didn't want to spend the rest of my life being controlled by it.

Most importantly, I had to give those hurts to God.

Little by little, God began showing me that the things that happened to me were not my identity.

My father's alcoholism was not my identity.
The words that were spoken to me were not my identity.
The stress and pain I experienced were not my identity.

I am more than what happened to me.

Through my faith, prayer, forgiveness, and healing, I began breaking the strongholds that had been holding me back for so many years.

It wasn't an overnight change. There were still difficult days. There were moments when old emotions came back. But I began to understand that healing is a journey.

Today, I can look back at my past differently.

I don't have to pretend that it didn't happen. I don't have to erase it. I can acknowledge it, learn from it, and still move forward and connect with others who are seeking support and in the same situation.

The little boy who experienced those things deserved love, protection, and peace.

And today, I want that younger version of me to know:

You made it.

You are not what happened to you.
You are not the words that were spoken over you.
You are not your father's struggles.
You are not your past.

You are God's creation, and your life has purpose.

What once caused me pain is now part of my testimony.

And if God can help me begin breaking the strongholds of my past, I believe He can bring freedom, healing, and hope to someone else who is carrying their own hidden pain.

My past shaped part of my story, but it does not control my future.

I am still healing. I am still growing. But today, I can say with confidence:

I am moving forward. I am breaking free. And I am becoming the person God created me to be.