Every little girl dreams about her wedding day. I remember saving a special prayer that I would only say on that day to bless my marriage. We all want the dream wedding. That’s all we think about until that day arrives. The handsome groom. The wedding dress and, of course, the veil. Tradition teaches us that the veil symbolizes innocence and purity. Dream, dream, dream…
One of my fondest memories was going to church with my grandpa. I would spend the whole weekend with him and grandma. Saturday morning we’d go shopping for the perfect outfit for church the following morning. On this special weekend my grandpa took me to Sears and bought me a cute two piece pink and white culotte with Mary Jane shoes and white socks. Even at that young age I understood the reverence of being in the Lord’s house. I was so proud to enter church that Sunday morning with my grandpa and my new church outfit.
In 1985 my dad was ordained as an Assistant Pastor at Ka Mauna O Oliveta. He met my mom when he was a young Navy Sailor. In Hawaii it’s very common to have families share the duties of raising children. My mom was given the task of caring for her older sister’s third child. After a few weeks my aunty and uncle asked my mom to bring the baby over to spend the night at his parent’s house. It was on that very night that the new born baby boy would pass away from “crib death”. My mom was devastated and inconsolable. She would find comfort in my dad’s arms and months later found out she was pregnant.
My grandpa made sure that my dad and mom would get married before the baby came. Grandpa chose the day and made preparations for the luau. They got married on October 14 and my brother Danny came on November 21.
My dad had a hard life. He recalls often going to bed hungry. He was one of nine children. He would share with us the day Pearl Harbor was bombed. He was six years old. My dad, as well as his dad, Papa Naipo, both shared a love for alcohol. My dad struggled his entire adult life with this addiction until Jesus was introduced to him and he was finally free. We thank God everyday for Grandma Machado. She was the grandma and prophet at Ka Mauna O Oliveta that begged my dad to come to her church. After attending a few years, he gave his life to the Lord and gave up alcohol. My dad was a changed man. My mom, my brother, my sisters, and I all knew it.
Here’s my love story. It’s going to be quick, so don’t blink.
I met Kelly Boy in January of 1987. I was pregnant by June and we were to be married in November of that same year.
Telling my dad that I was pregnant was the hardest thing to do. My mom told me that she heard him crying that night. Disappointed. You bet. He was, but maybe the right description would be dad was heart broken. Our relationship lacked in so many ways. I wanted validation from him, but he wasn’t able to give it. He had high expectations from me, but I couldn’t live up to it. I remember our house being uncomfortably quiet during the next five months. Our wedding day couldn’t come quick enough.
I love seeing pictures of the Father of the bride walking down the aisle with his daughter smiling, maybe even laughing. That was not what I experienced on my wedding day.
My dad and I got into an argument earlier that day and he was mad at me, still. This is not how I dreamed or imagined my walk down the aisle would be or feel.
My dress was this beautiful white laced wedding gown with an 8 foot long train. It was everything I had imagined and more. The bridal stylist begged me to try on the veil. I insisted, “I won’t be wearing a veil.” She would try again, “maybe just a short one.” I finally told her, “I’m not wearing a veil. Not a long one or a short one.”
Hypocrite. I didn’t want to be a hypocrite. I wasn’t about to walk down the aisle of my church where my dad just got ordained Assistant Pastor and everyone knows I’m five months pregnant wearing a veil. Nobody had to put the Scarlet letter A on me. I could do it myself. I didn’t deserve to wear a veil because I was not a virgin.
The Lord restores scripture verse.
In 1999 I was asked to be a speaker at a women’s conference. My very first. I was honored and terrified. I gave a raw, heartfelt testimony. I think I cried the whole time. I was a mess. I remember seeing the pastor, who spoke after me, years later and asked the question that had been bugging me for years. “Was I supposed to have said everything I said that day?” I had never seen any pastor quite as passionate and out of control as I felt I was. She told me, “You brought forth a real word and that was what the women at that conference needed to hear.” Thank you God for pastors, who are able to comfort, support, and confirm the word of God in you.
It was at this conference that Kailua Pentecostal Church shared a skit of the ten virgins in the Bible. They looked beautiful all in white with short veils on and a candle lit in their hands. One of the participants later came up to me with a veil in her hand and she said, “I don’t know why, but God told me to give this to you.” I was floored. I was sobbing. What? Me? Why? The Lord spoke to my heart that day. He restores. He redeems. He removed my shame at the cross and today I get to wear my veil. Not because I am worthy to wear it, but because he suffered at Calvary and took my shame. Jesus made me worthy to wear a veil. The very next morning at church I was wearing, yes you guessed it, The Veil, but this time as a humble, beloved daughter of the king.
